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A Christian Blog on Loss and Grieving
The Fracturing, Week 6 of 8
emily ulman/25July25

O Lord I need You, ne-ed You, O how I need You, ne-ed You…

This evening, her breathing, it is labored
Here in this room of tranquility in this caring facility
Accompanied with the coming and going of family, saddened

To nighttime has turned the day, as we by her side remain
The many hours slowly passing, we each at her staring
Her limbs, they are cooling, her breathing, weakened

Her arms now cold, her breaths now spaced
Over her pillow I lean, as I, with a kiss to her face
Give my quiet goodbye, in love, whispered

And in nearness, I rest on her forehead my forehead
As her shallow breaths further space
In shared warmth, affection, of lifetimes, two, connected

And Lord in prayer to You
With tears flowing, in gratitude praying
I to You thanking for this woman, upon my life bestowed, beloved

And as her breaths now are few, Lord I ask this of You
For a comprehending, for an understanding
O Lord, in this instance, an allowance to see as You see, unobstructed

Give within the spirit of me this sensing:
How her spirit, Lord, how it is leaving?
O Lord of her and O Lord of me, as unto You is our parting, disconnected

Knowing this, that by You, Lord, Your Word according
Are our spirits breathed life into us; and this,
That our bodies ‘round us, are by Your hand, Lord, knit, created

And as her final breath, of the rest apart spaced
From her body escapes
You Lord are now allowing me this: it is by Your Presence, encompassed

As Your Presence, as a cloud, glorious
Filled the tabernacle in the wilderness
And as Your people You led by it, comforted

And as covering the mount was it, Your glory with
And as Your man, Moses, entered into it,
Amidst Your holiness, enshrouded

Breathing You, Your Presence, the clouded mist
Of You alive, and returned did he, glowing alive;
As Your glory enveloped then, it envelopes still, surrounded

Receiving within Yourself, ourselves, with the ending of our breathing
As with the slowing, final breaths, there comes an unraveling, an unknitting
And as escapes, that last breath, so too the spirit from its covering, uncovered

Now within no more, it is to Your Presence, glorious, restored, from whence came it first
And the spirit of man, with an immediacy incomprehensive
Released from the body, is Your midst within, unencumbered

And with her body stilled, my nose I dry, and away from my mom I rise, wiping mine eyes
Now noticing a numbed sense, a distance never-known that suddenly I am sadly knowing
A far-away-ness of this woman to me dearest, within whom my own bodily life was grown, loaned

And as a certain dearest young man, alongside this whole timespan
Who’d been sustaining me, with the resting upon my back of his strong hand
Whose own bodily life was grown from my own life within, steadied

Takes hold of me, the towering embrace of him within
In my tiredness, in my weakened-ness, as sobs come wracking, convulsing, beyond control
I realize a fracturing, physical, of my broken connection, maternal, severed

Adjoined no longer, with the passing of my mother
As her life, and this long night, are over;
And in sorrow deep, this hushed grief, to You, to Your Word, O Lord, for life I clutch, fractured.

O Lord I need You, ne-ed You, O how I need You, ne-ed You…

(The God of all comfort/see: 2Corinthians1:3-4)

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